WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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