sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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