So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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