Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
