Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
