That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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