Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
