ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
