Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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