Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
