I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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