is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
