if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
