he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
