my phone needs a breathalizer
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
