This is not my ceiling
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize