Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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