I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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