isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
