My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im holly from the hills drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
