i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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