youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
