My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
