Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
