She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
