Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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