I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
