Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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