My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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