Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
