I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there's paper in my vomit.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
