Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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