He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you never un-have a 4some
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize