I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
