did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
