I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
