Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
