it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
