you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
