I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dick very happy bro
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
