He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
