soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize