He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
