Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
