I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
