he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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