If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
