i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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