New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
