I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
