Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
