Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
