i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
