her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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