beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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