Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
