I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize