note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
God I need to hump something, right now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
