moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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