We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
