I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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