Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
