After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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