Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
