i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
