I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think my moral compass just broke
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
