not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
