If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
