You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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