I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
