I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
