omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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