hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
