Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
